Assalam..
Pagi ni saya takde suara..semalam melalak (keje saya)..2-3 hari sebelumnya saya memang tak sihat (salahkan musim buah!)..so menulis adalah aktiviti terbaik buat hari ini..
As a singer..i've met sooooo many different personality. I am very chatty person but also a bit shy.. Saya akan duduk berbual bila ada yang pandai ajak saya berbual..Kalau tak..saya akan duduk di suatu sudut..layan BB saya macamkan saya ni sibuk sangat jawap mesej (haha)...pastu tengok gelagat orang (hobi saya). Kalau saya kerja malam sabtu atau ahad lagi best..sebab saya akan busykan diri saya tengok bola! Yahuuuuu..
But last night i had a very interesting conversation with a guy (dad) from Penang. He work in Ipoh now but originally from Penang.. Mulanya dia on Samsung dia sebab nak cari nama lagu..dia nak request saya nyanyi lagu tu..(tak jumpa..dah tua..haha)..But last-last he showed me his screensaver on his Samsung. Its a picture of his 2 handsome sons. Both now study at MMU Malacca.
Then we start chatting about our kids..I told him i got 2..and the oldest now is 17..just finished her exam. Then he mention 1 thing..and this thing really gave me a 'PANG'..He said..as a mother..like it or not...its time to learn to let go. Mulanya saya mengangguk..pastu pelan-pelan ayat tu menusuk ke hati saya. and i started asking myself.. "Am i ready for that?"
Sepanjang saya membesarkan Adam dan Aina..saya selalu 'ugut' anak-anak saya.. Saya kata kalau malas sekolah...tak pandai belajar..habis SPM terus kerja!..Kalau umur 18 takde sambung belajar ke...dah kerja ke...pergi cari rumah sewa..kalau duduk ngan ibu..bayar sewa RM150 sebulan!! Terukkan saya? Taklah... Taklah teruk sangat... Sebenarnya saya taknak anak-anak saya takde life!..Saya nak anak saya merantau..tengok dunia luar..ada kerjaya.. Jangan jadi anak yang dok bawah celah ketiak mak sampai umur 30 tahun! Saya taknak mereka jadi camtu..
BUT..
Aina dah pun habis SPM..tunggu keputusan periksa je lah sekarang ni..Habis je exam haritu..saya bawa dia pusing-pusing isi borang permohonan kerja...Dalam masa yang sama..adik saya si Aiza kata..bawak lah Aina ke KL..kerja dengan dia. Jauh disudut hati saya kata..NO!..Shes still my baby..she can't survive KL. I still want to see both their face every morning when i get up. I still want to have lunch with them. I don't mind laying on my sofa watching football while Adam being a 'hot stuff' on bbm or twitter (kata dia la..entah iya entah tidak..heheh)..and my daughter berangan nak kawin dalam bilik. As long as 3 of us under the same roof...i'm the happiest mother in the universe!
Do i sound like i'm ready to let them go..?
Saya teringat masa saya bercuti di Thailand 2 tahun lepas dengan Malcolm..masa tu Aina sedang tunggu keputusan PMR nya..Malcolm is very organized person..we talk about future all the time.. He plan for everything.. Dia kata..takpe kalau tak jadi pun..as long kita dah plan.. Saya ikut je. So...the night before..we talked about what the options if Aina got good result and so on..and so on lah.. Saya kata..kalau Aina punya result boleh dapatkan dia tempat di sekolah berasrama penuh..i prefer that lah.. Tapi the next morningnya..semasa saya mandi..kepala saya mula merewang memikirkan..kalau Aina masuk asrama..nanti saya tinggal berdua dengan Adam lah..Takde lagi budak mulut becok yang cerita pasal diaaaaa tak habis-habis..Adam takde kawan bergaduh..nanti kami tinggal makan berdua je..Tak syok la camtu!!.. tetiba je tanpa saya sedar..Saya menangis tersedu-sedu. Malcolm diluar mula cuak. Ketuk pintu bilik air tanya kenapa saya menangis? Lama jugak saya menangis sorang-sorang..masa tu sedih sayu benar rasa hati saya.. Huhuhu..
SERIOUSLY!! Do i sound like i'm ready?
HELL I AM NOT!!
Not yet..I told that guy last night...I don't think i'm ready yet. But then he said to me.. "That is the most painfull feeling in mother's life..to let your baby go..To letting them building their own life now.."
Shit!!..That is so damn true!!
So...at the moment both of my precious is still here with me..and thank Allah for that!!
Who say letting go is easy??!!
Bullshit!!
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